On the matter of cats and Catherines
Whenever I travel and I have a terrace, a tiny garden or a balcony, I find a shallow bowl — a carefully washed ashtray works marvellously for my purposes — and, having filled it with fresh water, place it there.
(Archive of Lady Catherine de Turnips, entry 4663-3-12)
My dear friend,
Whenever I travel and I have a terrace, a tiny garden or a balcony (and I do everything in my power to have either of them), I find a shallow bowl among those provided by my host — a carefully washed ashtray works marvellously for my purposes — and, having filled it with fresh water, place it there. This, habitually, brings new friends into my life.
Say, I remember caravans of cats flowing to my doors in Egypt — and there, the fertile soil of the Nile itself bears memory of centuries when feline neighbours were held even in higher regard than they are now.
It is worth mentioning that from Egypt, from Mediterranean Alexandria, also comes another Catherine worth your acquaintance. You can normally recognise her by either the instrument of her execution, a wheel (which, surprisingly, inspired a particular kind of fireworks) — or her magnificent hair, that, presumably, did not participate in any death.
(Thankfully, she is not Samson.)
It is perhaps unnecessary to explain why another Catherine should naturally accompany me through life: my patron saint, whose domain is scholars and intellectual endeavours, a lady who is famous for debating learned men. I, however, rarely discriminate due to gender, with my most common target of arguing being my humble self.
[Editor's note. Four pages are absent from the surviving manuscript.]
collection already includes signed copies of Pushkin’s fairytales, Shakespeare’s comedies, the Cerne Abbas Giant, the Rosetta Stone, and the Bible. The provenance of some of them, it has to be said, is more complicated than others.
Rest assured: I shall keep you informed of any further developments in this matter.
Please do be so kind and say hello to your cat from me.
Yours truly,
Lady Catherine